Supplies
- Envelopes (1 envelope per group)
- Index cards with “Feeling Words” (see Attachment A) written on them.
Supplementary Materials & Preparation
- Write “Feeling Words” (Attachment A) on index cards (at least 12 cards per group).
Attachments
Objectives
- By the end of the session, students will be able to do the following:
- Understand the relationship between thoughts, feelings and behaviors
- Know the difference between effective/helpful behavior and ineffective/unhelpful behavior
- List two ways to change unhelpful behavior to helpful behavior.
Introduction
Lead a discussion using the homework sheet (“My Thoughts and feelings”) from the previous session. If this sheet was not given as homework, use it now as a way to review ideas from the last session. Allow students to volunteer their answers. Make sure to highlight that we all experience different emotions and that circumstances have a lot to do with our thought processes and the resulting emotions. Two people do not have to experience the same emotions even if their circumstances are similar. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to feelings.
Procedures & Activities
Step 1
After students take their seats, summarize the following for them:
Last time we met, we talked about feelings and the thoughts that go along with them. Today, we will discuss how our actions or behaviors are linked to our feelings. This relationship works like this:
Step 2
Divide students into groups of four. Give each group an envelope with index cards with “Feeling Words” written on them, and ask them to take out a piece of paper. Ask students to pick the index cards from the envelope and list ways people will behave when they have the feeling that is listed on the card. Allow time (approximately five minutes) for each group to finish all the cards in the envelope. Walk around the room checking in with the small groups to make sure they are on the right track. Provide corrective feedback as needed.
Step 3
Each group should report on one feeling and the behaviors they listed for that feeling. Ask the group members if they all agreed on the behaviors or if there was any conflict about what to include. Give the rest of the class time to add any behaviors they can associate with a particular feeling. Ask students if the behaviors they listed are helpful or unhelpful. If they are unhelpful, brainstorm with students ways to make the unhelpful behaviors helpful.
Step 4
Once students have taken their seats, pass out “Avigayil’s Story” (Attachment B). Give students five to six minutes to read the paragraph and answer the questions at the bottom of the page.
Step 5
Once students have finished answering the questions, have them turn to another student and pair-share their answers. Allow three to five minutes for discussion.
Step 6
Lead a class discussion focusing on Avigayil’s reactions to his thoughts and feelings. Ask for different suggestions for ways to help Avigayil with her behaviors. Suggestions can include talking to an adult, taking deep breaths, counting to ten, and accepting that sometimes things get misplaced or lost.
Step 7
Explain to students that our feelings and our beliefs are also shaped by what we do and what we say. As it says in Sefer HaChinuch (16:2):
“ דע, כי האדם נפעל כפי פעלותיו, ולבו וכל מחשבתיו תמיד אחר מעשיו שהוא עוסק בהם אם טוב ואם רע, ואפילו רשע גמור בלבבו וכל יצר מחשבות לבו רק רע כל היום, אם יערה רוחו וישים השתדלותו ועסקו בהתמדה בתורה ובמצות, ואפילו שלא לשם שמים, מיד ינטה אל הטוב, ומתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה, ובכח מעשיו ימית היצר הרע, כי אחרי הפעלות נמשכים הלבבות. ואפילו אם יהיה אדם צדיק גמור ולבבו ישר ותמים, חפץ בתורה ובמצות, אם יעסק תמיד בדברים של דפי, כאלו תאמר דרך משל שהכריחו המלך ומנהו באמנות רעה, באמת אם כל עסקו תמיד כל היום באותו אמנות, ישוב לזמן מן הזמנים מצדקת לבו להיות רשע גמור, כי ידוע הדבר ואמת שכל האדם נפעל כפי פעלותיו, כמו שאמרנו. ועל כן אמרו חכמים ז’’ל (מכות כג, ב ) רצה הקב’’ה לזכות את ישראל לפיכך הרבה להם תורה ומצות, כדי להתפיס בהן כל מחשבותינו ולהיות בהן כל עסקינו להטיב לנו באחריתנו. כי מתוך הפעלות הטובות אנחנו נפעלים להיות טובים וזוכים לחיי עד. ורמזו ז’’ל על זה (מנחות מג, ב ), באמרם כל מי שיש לו מזוזה בפתחו וציצית בבגדו ותפלין בראשו, מבטח לו שלא יחטא, לפי שאלו מצות תמידיות, ונפעל בהן תמיד”
“You must know that it is not from wisdom that you would [question] me about this, and it is your youthful thoughts that lead you to this. And now, my son, ‘If you have understanding,’ ‘incline your ear and hear,’ and I will teach you to benefit from Torah and the commandments: You must know, that a man is acted upon according to his actions; and his heart and all his thoughts always follow after the actions that he does – whether good or bad. And even he who in his heart is a complete sinner and all the desires of his heart are only for evil; if his spirit shall be enlightened and he will put his efforts and actions to persist in Torah and commandments – even if not for the sake of Heaven – he shall immediately incline towards the good. And from that which is not for its own sake comes that which is for its own sake [as opposed to being for personal gain]; for the hearts are drawn after the actions. And even if a man is perfectly righteous and his heart is straight and innocent, desiring of Torah and the commandments; if he shall constantly deal with improper things, you could compare it to someone who was forced by the king to work a wicked craft – if he constantly works in that wicked craft – eventually, from his righteousness, he shall have become completely evil. For it is known and true that every man is acted upon according to his actions, as we have said. And the Sages, may their memory be blessed, said about this (Makkot 23b), “God wanted to grant merits to Israel, therefore he gave them many laws and commandments,” to occupy all of our thoughts and all our deeds, to benefit us at our end [i.e. in the world to come]. Because from the good actions we are acted upon to be good and merit eternal life. And the Sages hinted at this (Menachot 43b) with their statement that anyone who has a mezuzah on his door, tsitsit on his garment and tefillin on his head is promised that he shall not sin – for these are constant commandments, and [so] he is constantly acted upon by them.” (Sefaria.org).
Summary:
Review the main ideas of the session:
Today we talked about how our thoughts and feelings can affect our behaviors. Sometimes uncomfortable feelings lead to unhelpful behavior. We need to practice ways to change those behaviors to ones that are more helpful. Talking to an adult you trust is always a good option, but there are other strategies you can try. Sometimes we only realize our behaviors are negative after the fact. We can only try to do better the next time. Just like with most things in life, practice is important. Over the next week, try to pay attention to your behaviors. Try to think of ways to improve how you react to uncomfortable feelings.
